lotus flower asked:
I got bullied quite badly in college and the after effects of it are still there, how do i beat them? They said i smelled, treated me like i was dumb. I felt unattractive, undervalued and not in any way respected. That was almost four years ago, i was the only ‘real’ black girl in the class. Those insecurities they have still been there, they affect my dating choices, i’ve rarely lasted long in jobs, the way i see myself and at times the way i carry myself. How do i beat this?
I got bullied quite badly in college and the after effects of it are still there, how do i beat them? They said i smelled, treated me like i was dumb. I felt unattractive, undervalued and not in any way respected. That was almost four years ago, i was the only ‘real’ black girl in the class. Those insecurities they have still been there, they affect my dating choices, i’ve rarely lasted long in jobs, the way i see myself and at times the way i carry myself. How do i beat this?
1. Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, or friends at school. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down.
2. Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There’s no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on.
3. Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road.
4. Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you’ve declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself, whether it’s through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it’s difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you’re following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you’ll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!
1. Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it’s emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
2. Be Positive, even if you don’t feel positive. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior–they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
3. Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what’s called the ****** feedback theory suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you’re a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel
5. Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don’t have something you can believe in, you don’t have anything. If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter what’s happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you’ve followed your principles to the best of your ability.
6. Help others. When you know you’re kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people’s lives (even if it’s just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you’ll know that you are a positive force in the world–which will boost your self confidence. Go volunteer twice a month at an elementary school. Bake something for your neighbor for no reason. Confidence that you have earned is the most long-lasting.
7. Stop worrying. What worries you today will be forgotten by you and people around you tomorrow. Can you remember what you were so worried about the same day the same time last week? If not, then you should not worry right now. You will not worry about it even one week from now.
Always remember, never forget who you are. Don’t ever be something your not.
look deep down inside of yourself and pull out that woman that you KNOW you are! write a list of ALL of the things about you that you know are positive and even things that you THINK may be positive. then keep playing those things over and over again in your mind. whenever you doubt yourself go back in your mind to that list. It may be a great idea for you to read *****Dr. Phils Life Strategies and Deepak Chopra’s Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success. Those two books together along with prayer can moves mountains in your life. They certainly helped me. good luck..I wish you well.
I hope everyone will read my Learning Theory, Little Girl Innocence, and Grand Hope, from my blogs and to all on request. The myth of permanence in ability causes many persons to put others down to in some way make themselves feel more important or stronger. This is all about insecurities and immature people. Yes, they exist even in college and some professors are the worst models.
Yes, the horrible, and deadly myth of permanence in ability is killing many students and adults. We need desperately to remove this false and deadly myth of fixed intelligences and abilities and replace it with tools to continually improve and change our lives. Please Please read learning theory and Grand Hope, and also Little Girl Innocence from profile and my blogs, and also on request to all by e-mail.
By showing students how their individual environments greatly affect their ability to think, learn, long-term motivation to learn, and grow mentally and emotionally, students will have much more respect and esteem for themselves and for others. By providing students with tools to approach their lives more delicately and differently to continually change and improve their lives, students will then have a continuous hope of developing in time, many if not all of the qualities they admire in others over time. Students will then have a continuous hope of changing and becoming better, newer persons with each passing day. This will reduce much hopelessness, many harmful escapes and other problems created by our horrible teachings of fixed intelligences in school such as dropouts, drug/alcohol abuse, catharsis of violence, and *******.